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It took time to remember how to be honest with myself. I found a few of my old insecurities creeping in as I did, but with age came an increased ability to face and address my fears. Irrational fears are just that — irrational. If you can dig a hole, logically, in something you fear, you take power from it. I learned to use my extremely linear, logic-driven though process to dissect fears and prove they were baseless. Most of them. That wasn’t my biggest problem. Dealing with all of that, I became a shut in. I hated to leave my condo for any reason. I tolerated going to work, because I had to. Anything else became a race to see how fast I could get back to where I felt safe. For almost two years I was two people — the friendly, personable guy I wanted to be while I was at work, where I got along with people well enough to be liked, but didn’t go out of my way to be drawn into friendships outside of work, and the scared, fat nerd, cowering under my security blanket. I still don’t know. "How you hit my ribs, I will never know," Crum responded."Luck Crum, dumb luck since you had me off balance," I answered.Grimm snorted at my answer, saying, "Von makes his own luck."Tharin laughed, saying, "He sure does, Crum."Grimm tossed a second cup of cold water on my head after I removed the training helmet. The mineral water stunned me but a laugh filled my throat, my legs straining to keep pace with Grimm as she fled the field. I was already tired from the morning's long work out so I returned to the two men."Well, Crum, is a staff still a woman's tool?"He lifted his hands above his shoulders in surrender. Grimm walked back over with a questioning look, as if to say "is it safe?" I waved her over and forestalled my normal impulse to get back at her for dousing me with water.Both Tharin and Grimm wore one of my gifts on their biceps, a silver arm guard; inside it was inscribed "Beloved." A third arm guard was on Coven's right arm, for some reason he was particularly pleased with.
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